During college, one of the sociological topics I took interest in was the idea of private vs. public spheres. When the feminist movement first took shape, one of its larger goals was to release women from exclusively existing within the private sphere (the house) as a mother, wife, cook and maid. The objective was not to REMOVE women from the home, but to allow them to move freely between spheres of work and home.
Fast forward to 2008, and the familial structure which fueled that movement has shifted considerably. In my 2 years of joining the work force, I have seen stay-at-home-dads, CEO moms, and everything in between. I don't at all claim that gender parity has been reached, but I do argue that the archetype of the nuclear family (and who does what within it) is far less predictable and far more flexible.
Since I am able to move freely between home and work life, I started to consider what other types of spheres I operate within. This idea came along while I attended a Passion Party thrown by a Coast Guard wife I know and adore, Terry. I got to meet almost 20 other women who are also married to Coasties, and although I was the only girlfriend there, I felt completely comfortable.
It dawned on me that night that there are very few situations and environments with which I am not comfortable. My work day is spent with co-workers at least a decade my senior, and my weekends are spent with the girls I grew up with from age 9. I can go to church and kneel before my God with no sense of awkwardness, but I can also hold my own in a discussion of science and theology. I can listen to rap music and be fully aware of how demoralizing and misogynistic it is, but I can also engage in a discussion of how I reconcile that contradiction.
If there is one deficiency I think I could work on within my "spheres," it is my home life. I admit that this is entirely a consequence of having a demanding job, but I don't care for my house nearly as much as I'd like. Perhaps this is the case for all women, working or not. But for all the work which I think I get done in my professional and social lives, there is a large and running list of things I'd like to take care of within the walls of my little Concord house. I want to paint my office, put photos in their frames, cook a million different new recipes, organize my massive cache of craft supplies, invest in a KitchenAid mixer and actually use it. The things which I once cast aside as "housewife-ish" are now things I want to know.
But if something's gotta give, I have to say - it ain't bad right now :)
3 comments:
You delve into the depths of my mind as if you were a part of me (then and now). Everytime I read your writing I am transported to a place that I once was my own. You see, I have found that the old adage about the grass being/not being greener is so true. I didn't long to be a stay-home-mom/wife, but found myself suddenly there. It's got it's moments, but then there are those days I'd give up the diaper changing, hobbies and remodeling to trudge into the office and sit for coffee at a morning meeting.
The point of my response? Well, there isn't one. I'm thinking out loud here and you just reminded me of how things have changed in terms of spheres, as you said, and now I feel I must blog about it too. LOL
You know a little secret - everyone wants to be June Cleaver, or Martha Stewart. But then we realize that it's hard to aspire to someone else's ideals. I used to beat myself up all the time for not being that perfect housewife. But then I realized that in reality, I am. I am perfect for me. If that means we are having cereal for dinner tonight because I can't seem to manage my time enough to start dinner on time, than that's okay. I still have goals to be a great mom and wife, they are just not related to being a housewife and stay-at-home mom. If that makes sense? My issues are that I had my career first and I really miss that person I used to be.
From discussions of theology to working with colleagues 10-20 years my senior, I, too, am at ease in almost any scenario. Oddly, mental health days for me consist of staying home, cleaning, baking banana nut bread, and dreaming of my new mixer (a red Kitchen Aid will be bought once I have a bigger kitchen). The balance is tough. I find myself fantasizing about a day at "home" when "focusing" at a morning staff meeting. But if the coin flipped, I feel as though I would daydream about that coffee, as would Jenny.
You always want what you cannot have, and the only reason you cannot have it right this second is simple: there are not enough hours in the day.
But as my favorite prof stated, "You sleep when you are dead."
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