I killed a squirrel on Saturday.
I was driving home from my morning class when I saw it approach the street from a line of trees. I braked to a stop because there was no one behind me, and the squirrel immediately turned and ran back to the tree line. After seeing it safely pass, I stepped back on the gas and proceeded down the road.
Thump.
I had driven about a car length when the squirrel ran back into the road and went under my back driver's side tire. I immediately gagged and felt myself begin to black out. Through my tunnel vision, I continued to coast down the street and glanced up at my rearview mirror.
The squirrel was thrashing.
I later found out that it was in its death throes, but that did nothing to quell the rising nausea I felt when I saw that horrifying, and traumatizing scene. I pulled over for a moment, tried to decide if I should turn around to try to help the squirrel, and immediately blacked out. It happened for a split second, but the moment I came to I called Brian choking on my own words.
"I killed a squirrel," I managed to hoarsely spit out.
"Oh sweetheart, are you sure?" he asked. When I didn't answer, he continued. "Do you want me to come get you? Just pull over and I'll be there in a second."
"No. Let me get home first," I said through tears.
When I pulled up to the driveway Brian was standing in the garage with Jubilee wagging happily at his side. I scooped her up and put her in the backseat of my car, then changed my mind and held her tightly to my chest as I sat down and buckled my seat belt. Brian took the driver's seat and proceeded down Farm Bureau Road.
I felt myself faint as we neared the scene, and Brian kept repeating don't look, don't look as if it were an incantation or a spell. I hugged Jubilee tighter until I heard Brian's confirmation that the squirrel was indeed very dead and that I had not left it suffering.
Part II: The Haunting
An email exchange between Brian and I today:
Florence to Brian:
There are two squirrels in our backyard today and another one running across the lawn in Coast Guard housing. I want to die.
Brian to Florence:
Remember in Ice Age, when Scrat went to squirrel heaven? I'm sure he's very happy now with lots of acorns.
Florence to Brian:
Thank you for that nice thought. I love you very much.
4 comments:
Brian's note to you is exactly what Brad would have said to me. How sweet. I am so sorry you had that experience but am happy to hear your loving animals provided you with solace.
I would feel awful too! And I agree, he's in squirrel heaven with lots of acorns and nuts!
Don't feel bad. Once i was driving to starbucks for work, it was around 3:55 in the morning. i was defrosting my windows and sleepily cruising down Cement Hill Road when i madeeye contact with something scurrying across. It was so fast that i didn't even have time to brake. But i did manage to make eye contact...with....a kitten. Not even a freaking adult cat, but a baby freaking kitten. i wanted to kill myself. i was barely able to function all day. i sat in the back room for about an hour and a half, hysterical. i have to pass by the spot where it happened almost daily. It's pretty horrific.
Aww...how sad. I'm so glad Brian is the supportive type (luckily Zach is too) unlike some guys - I won't even call them men. I'm sure the squirrel didn't suffer.
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