Monday, May 19, 2008

What we chose to carry.

There are several subjects I refuse to discuss in my blog, from venting my work frustrations to fighting personal battles I've chosen to bottle up. This is one of them. For over a year, Brian and I have dealt with an alcohol problem that we thought had been resolved. I have attended Alcoholics Anonymous meetings (not as a patient, but as a family member) and I have watched Brian handle the issue with maturity and strength.

On Saturday and in front of some of our closest friends, Brian backslid. The responsible and careful drinker he had been for the past year and a half became the ugly belligerent alter ego that he'd worked so hard to destroy. I refuse to go into further detail about what happened, but I am so sorry to those of you that he upset with his behavior.

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself, so please don't ask if I'm leaving or if we've broken up. The answer is no for now, because I need time to evaluate what is best for me. At the very least, I feel a sense of relief because I was weary of carrying this burden, and I have finally laid it down.

I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...

14 comments:

Josh & Karale said...

oh flo. big hugs and lots of prayers for guidance and peace. love ya girl.

Anonymous said...

You're in my prayers, hon. You are one of the strongest and bravest people I know, no matter what. <3

Peter A. Stinson said...

Flo, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you have the strength to persevere; let me know if I can do anything to help or to lend a distant listening ear.

Becca and Jason said...

You'll be in my prayers, Flo. I know that heartbreak and disappointment... only it was my dad. I don't want to share that here, but just know that you are in my prayers.
Becca

Anonymous said...

no apologies necessary.
we love you, flo <3

-b&r

Anonymous said...

(p.s. we love brian, too)

Anonymous said...

I second all of what Bryn said. <3

Stephani said...

i hope you're doing okay. and like bryn said, no apologies are necessary. love you.

Mary said...

Flo, there's so much I could say, but this is such a public area. Alcohol has changed my life on so many levels. It's hard to be the one looking on watching someone you love so dearly engage in self-destructive behavior. Even if it's just a slip up every now and again, it still hurts. I'll keep my thoughts with you.

Anonymous said...

Aww Flo- I will be thinking and praying for you and Brian. You are strong and I know you will make the right decision. I am always here if you need me. Love you.

Who I Am said...

Flo, I'll be praying for you both. It's so hard to see those we love hurt themselves and others along with them.

Just a Girl in a Port said...

You have friends and support for whatever you need. We are hear to help you bear any burden, even though it may be intimate and the situation may be fragile, call on us when you need to.

May he find strength to deal with his demons. May you find peace and maintain your grace during this time.

(hugs)

C Anderson said...

I love you both. My cell is on-- and I am awake (PCS-driven insomnia).

Love, C (and Brad, too-- but he is snoring to loud to convey that himself)

Becca and Jason said...

Flo - I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you.
Becca